InBetween
by ohhbaby89
Summary: Seconds after death, Lily Potter must make the hardest decisions she’s ever made: to turn back to the world of the living to stay with her son, or move forward into the afterlife. One-shot. Please r/r!


Lily gasped dramatically, taking in what felt like a gulp of first life. She had been suffocated and out of breath for too long, and she felt her hand clutch her chest as she continued to breathe heavily. Not seconds later her eyes popped open to view an unfamiliar space. She seemed to be standing in a rather small area with a mist of sorts surrounding her. On one end of the space was a blinding white light, which reached to about where she was standing; on the other was what looked to be a black abyss that wouldn't let any of the white light reach it.

Lily's breath steadied itself as she continued to survey the place and her unusual predicament. So that was what dying was like. It was painless, mostly, except for when the air pushed itself back into her lungs after she regained consciousness. That feeling was particularly exhausting, like she had just run a marathon in freezing cold temperatures. But that was really all she recalled feeling, and that had taken place after she had already died. She couldn't really think, either. It was as if the mist that surrounded her had leaked into her mind, causing her to feel dazed. She didn't know where she was or how she got there; all she knew was that she had died. She didn't know what to do, either, other than stay where she was and look around some more.

A few moments passed and the fog that floated around in her brain seemed to begin to clear up. Complete thoughts began to form in Lily's head now. She had died, that much had already made itself quite clear. But she had never died before. Where was she to go? Was she to simply stay put until someone came for her? And where was James? He had died, too. Shouldn't he have come through here? Lily shook her head. All of this nothing seemed too much to comprehend.

After what seemed like hours of contemplation on what she should do next, Lily decided to move towards the light. That's what they always said you should do when you died, Lily recalled, move to the light. This must have been the eternal glow that she had heard of. She neared it, and it warmed her. The warmth seemed to enter her skin into her body, like she had just taken a sip of hot soup. She also felt unadulterated happiness. Happiness that reminded her of her first day of Hogwarts, when James proposed, and when Harry was born.

Harry

Lily turned her head from the light and remembered the son she had left behind. She felt herself moving away from the light and towards the darkness. Pain, so unlike the happiness she had felt seconds ago, tore through her body like knives. Suddenly her cheeks felt wet and she was angry with herself. How could she leave Harry alone like that? He was only a baby. He needed a mother. What would happen to him now? Where would he go? If she could only go back for him. And then she remembered something else. She could go back for him. A sliver of hope began to emerge in her, hope to see her son again, to be with him as he grew and give him all the love a mother could. She moved further into the darkness and heard her voice calling Harry's name out. She began to grope about, for she couldn't see, in hopes that maybe she would reach Harry. She wanted nothing more than to see his smiling face and to hold his warm little body against her own.

Lily continued moving into the darkness, wishing she would find her way out soon, when another voice mingled with her own. It sounded very far away, but she could hear it clearly enough.

"Lily," it called.

Lily ignored it. She wanted to see her son. She needed to be with him.

The voice continued. It called for her until desperation became evident in its tone. It was with this desperation that Lily recognized who exactly was calling her.

"James," Lily whispered to herself. James had come to look for her. If she went back to find him, surely she could convince him to follow her and they could go back to Harry together. Lily smiled as she thought of the three of them, reunited as a family. Dying didn't really matter, now, did it? She even laughed at the thought. What was the point of dying when you could just go back as a ghost? Yes, she would fetch James and the two of them would go back to Harry, and everything would be just as it was. She was smiling now, and she felt her legs sprinting back through the darkness, James' voice leading her to where he was.

Lily emerged from the dark and spotted James standing in the bright white light.

"James!" she called, running to him.

The two embraced, and Lily looked at her husband, who had concern swelling in his eyes.

"Where have you been?" James asked. "Why haven't you come over yet? I've been waiting for you just on the other side for ages."

"I've been thinking, James, and I've had the most wonderful idea," Lily said, talking very fast and excitedly. "If we go through that darkness there, we can go back! We can go back, James! To Harry! Everything can be how it was!"

James smiled sadly at her. "I can't go back, Lily. I've made my decision."

Lily frowned at her husband. "What do you mean, you've made your decision? What about Harry? What about our life?"

"I decided to cross over because I've got nothing there holding me back." He paused for a moment, at the look of Lily's horrified face, but then continued. "I know, deep inside me, that Harry'll be just fine. I love my son just as much as you do, Lily, but I don't think having a couple of ghosts for parents is what Harry needs."

"But he'll grow up without parents!" Lily pleaded, tears flowing freely down her face again. "I don't want to leave him alone like that, especially when I don't have to. It's not fair!"

"A lot of things in life aren't fair, Lily. Sure, going back will allow Harry to see his mother, but you won't be able to hold him like you once did. And you won't grow with him. When Harry passes one day, how do you know he'll choose to stay back with you? When he's gone, you'll be the one left behind. Crossing over ensures that one day you will be able to see him again. And from the other side, you'll still be able to watch him grow. You'll see him again Lily, that I can promise."

"I just don't want him to be left without a mother," Lily whispered, looking back into the darkness.

"Just because you're not with him doesn't mean he hasn't got a mother. I can't make this decision for you, Lily, it's all yours to make. But I can say that there are a lot of people on the other side hoping you'll come over. I don't know what I'd do if I lost both of the most important things in my life all at once. I can't stay here much longer; like I said, I've already made my decision. Now it's time to make yours. Listen to your heart, Lily, it will tell you what to do."

James smiled at her and gave her a final hug. "You know what to do."

Lily watched, her heart breaking, as he disappeared into the light.

It was the hardest decision she had ever been forced to make. To go back to the son she adored, but only as a ghost, and only live a shadow of the life she once knew, or to go forward, and live a lifetime without him until he joined them. Lily closed her eyes and turned in a slow circle. James was right. Her heart would tell her where to go. When she opened her eyes, whichever way she pointed would be the direction she took.

Lily slowly opened her eyes, secretly knowing which way she was facing. She smiled to herself as the light embraced her and happiness flooded her body.

"I love you, Harry," Lily said in the direction of the darkness. "I'm coming, James," she called, and she walked forward into the light.

She would see Harry again. It would be some time in the future, but she knew he was not lost from her forever.


End file.
